Family Meditation Blog
Building Bridges With Words
I am a peace-maker at heart and I think through and reflect on the conflict I see around me.
On the pages of this blog, I’ll write about the tips and tools I’ve found to be helpful to families navigating separation, divorce, or conflict in general. I will reflect on my own experiences and draw out themes with the hopes that they might resonate with you and you find something meaningful in them.
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About the author - Dr. Sara Shamdani
I am a socio-political scientist, a published author and a mediator, with a life-long passion for learning and transforming. As a first-generation immigrant and a racialize woman, I think through and write about conflicts in various systems of operations, whether in family or the workplace and offer ways of working through and transforming those conflicts for the creation of stronger communities.
Check out this free Family Negotiation tool-kit that was created through research and data to help you understand the details of negotiating your separation. Download now here.
Atomic Habits of Difficult Conversations
In his book, Atomic Habits, James Clear writes about importance of small, incremental changes yielding significant and long-lasting effects for the person. Make small changes everyday and you will get compelling changes over time.
Borrowing from Clear, in this post I want to highlight the incremental changes that you can make to your approach to difficult conversations about conflict so you can get better results with your co-worker, boss, spouse, or child.
Constructive & Collaborative Problem Solving: Tools for couples going through a separation process
One of the essential pillars of collaborative problem solving during separation is together-ness. In this post we walk you through effective communications tools to utilize when talking to your spouse during divorce.
What can I expect from a divorce/separation mediation process?
Separation is hard. That is why mediation is available. Family mediation is an alternative form of dispute resolution where a professionally trained mediator, who is well-versed in family law, facilitates the negotiation process in a separation or a divorce proceeding. Here we tell you about our process at Parable and what you can expect at every step of the way.
Family Negotiation Toolkit
Get access to information because informed decisions will lead to longer lasting agreements. When parties are willing to work through their disagreements with kindness and with as much peace as possible, it will serve the unique needs of their families.
The role of the advisors
Advisors of our lives have an enormous influence on shaping and at times contributing to, or transforming the conflict. The third party can remind the two parties in conflict what is ultimately at stake in the situation, what really matters, and what do the parties ultimately want. When we are deep in any conflict, we begin to lose sight of what’s really important. The third party can see with a bit more clarity, with a more meta-view of the situation.
Family Mediation vs. Court
Separation and divorce are considered the second-highest stress factor in someone’s life, preceded only by the death of a loved one. During this transitional time conflict can rise to a new level that hadn’t even existed before. Some systems and individuals can help reduce the conflict or contribute to heightening it.
The poems of my ancestors
I come from a long line of peacemakers. My grandfather and my great uncle were mediators and peacemakers in their large families and the small village they grew up in. I grew up hearing stories of how different people would go to these men, the elders of their community, to have their disputes resolved. Their calm and kind demeanor drew others in. It felt calm just being in their presence.
Loss and Grief in the pandemic
My uncle died, and Covid spread like wild-fire in my family in Iran. My grandpa would die 4 days later after my uncle’s death, and one of my other uncles would be hospitalized in the ICU for about a week, with most of that time us feeling a sense of touch-and-go with his health. Those days are so foggy to me. I forget how foggy grief can be. How far it takes us, removing us from our surrounding and plunging us into its depth where we reel in pain for the love we lost.
My Perfectionist Part
My first spelling quiz ever in the first grade is a powerful memory. I had studied very hard and did very well. But I misspelled one word: butterfly. I received 19/20 and I wanted a perfect grade. I wanted a perfect grade so badly that I just cried for the entire day in class, being upset with myself over my 19/20.
My Neighbour Totoro
I love Studio Ghibli films. The beautiful animations, the stories of the relationships between humans, their environment and a magical realm, and above all the beautiful friendships among female characters of these films are like chicken soup for my soul.