What can I expect from a divorce/separation mediation process?
Family mediation is an alternative form of dispute resolution where a neutral third party facilitates the negotiation process in a separation or a divorce proceeding. A professionally trained mediator who is well-versed in family law does this by guiding the conversation, providing structure, and giving relevant information for the negotiation. All of this with the goal to resolve all or some of the disputes between the couple and create a long-lasting agreement which sets the family up for success.
Although most family mediations follow a similar pattern, here I want to tell you about our process at Parable and what you can expect at every step of the way:
Consultation:
We offer a 30-minute free phone or online consultation where I will listen and learn a little about your situation and tell you more about the process. This is your chance of getting to know me and how I work in order to see if we are a good fit for one another.
After I have spoken to the first party, I will tell them to let their spouse know about our conversation and to ask them to contact me directly in order to set up a time for their free consultation.
After the consultation, I will email each party individually to set up time for their intake and assessment sessions and I will email both of them together to schedule tentative joint-mediation session dates.
Intake and Assessment:
The intake and assessment meeting is scheduled for 60-90 minutes with each party individually. Its length varies depending on the needs and the complexity of the each family’s needs. This session is meant for you to tell me more about your family, what brought you to mediation, your relationship history and how decisions were made, and for me to learn about the children (if there are any) and their needs and to know more about your goals and needs. The purpose of the intake is for me to understand the needs and wants of your family so that I can create a process that serves those best.
Part of this assessment is to learn about any possible power imbalances that might exist in the family, namely about the history of any possible domestic violence. This does not mean that if a party discloses some violence in the past, the mediation cannot go forward, rather this is to help assess whether the two parties are on equal footing now and if they feel safe enough with one another to negotiate their issues without feeling afraid for their safety.
Since mediation is a voluntary process, at any point any of the parties can decide to end the mediation for whatever reason. The mediator is among those people. I always tell clients that if I think that mediation is not the right path at this point, I will not do something to exacerbate their challenges and issues, and will end the mediation process.
Joint-Mediation sessions:
Once the intakes are completed, we move to finalize the schedule for 2-3 mediation sessions for 1.5-2 hours each. The number of sessions and the amount of time depends on the needs of each family, the complexity of their issues, their finances, and their level of conflict and communication with one another.
During each of these joint sessions, we will create agenda items based on what each party wants to talk about, break those agenda items into their smaller tasks and tackle each task one-by-one.
For example, the parties might say they want to talk about a schedule for their children during the week. This is one of those tasks under a bigger umbrella called “The Parenting Plan”. I will help you negotiate with each other not only about the weekly schedule of the children but the other items under the parenting plan which can include:
Holidays, birthdays and special occasions
Vacations and travel
Attendance at parent-teacher conference and school events
Cultural and religious heritage and practices
Major decision-making including education, health, social media, etc.
In this process I might share options of what others have done and what has worked for them, but the most important solutions are the ones that both parties can agree with.
Mediation Progress Notes & the Mediation Report:
At the end of each mediation session, I will write up a mediation progress note which will detail what you agreed on during the session and if there is any ‘homework’ that you need to do before the next session. This ‘homework’ can include any documents that you need to prepare for the next session.
At the end of all the mediation sessions, I will write out a mediation report which includes all the issues that you agreed on and resolved. This report will detail those specifics, including the amount for child and/or spousal support if applicable, their duration, the amount of the equalization payment and how that will be paid out, and all their respective calculations attached to the report.
This report is not a legally binding document, but a lawyer can make it into one by turning it in to a Separation Agreement. Your lawyer will look at the result of the negotiation and the calculations done during the mediation, and they will inform you of their legal opinion and will change the writing from the Mediation Report to a Separation Agreement.
It is incredibly important for both parties to have independent legal advice to know their rights and their responsibilities.
The process of mediation does several things simultaneously:
It moves the process of separation from an adversarial process to a collaborative one. I operate based on the understanding that you and your spouse know best what works and what doesn’t work for your family and I will help you negotiate those issues with each other. This will inevitably reduce the conflict that can arise from an adversarial process of the court system. Mediation puts the parties in control of the outcome, as opposed to leaving it up to the arguments and decisions of lawyers and the presiding judge.
It saves you money. Because you are involved in your own negotiations as opposed to two lawyers doing it on your behalf, you reduce the costs drastically, leaving more funds for living your life and supporting your children.
Mediation typically produces faster outcomes than a litigated divorce, both in terms of how much time you need to put in, and how long it takes to resolve.
It reduces the stress on your family because the conflict and tension is reduced for your and your partner, and therefore the mediation process often is in the best interest of the children.
Mediation lets you start the next chapter of your life with less animosity and future conflict, by being faster, less stressful, less expensive and resulting in solutions that are custom-fit for your life and your family. For more on the difference between mediation and the court process, read this resource here.
