Family Mediation vs. Court
Separation and divorce are considered the second-highest stress factor in someone’s life, preceded only by the death of a loved one.
During this transitional time conflict can rise to a new level that hadn’t even existed before. Some systems and individuals can help reduce the conflict or contribute to heightening it.
Although people don’t necessarily need to resolve everything through lawyers, most people need to seek some type of help to resolve the disputes that have come about because of the relationship breakdown.
On the spectrum of dispute resolution:
Unassisted negotiation → family mediation → arbitration → litigation
The more you move towards litigation, the more you lose control of how the decisions are made.
Family mediation is a form of alternative dispute resolution that puts the decision-making power in the hands of the parties, and it is proven to reduce the conflict in the family.
Family mediation is a voluntary, non-adversarial process to solve disputes that have come up from the decision to separate.
The process is facilitative, not an investigative or advisory one. One of my teachers used to say “the truth is not what we mediate”. A mediator facilitates the process of having a dialogue in order to resolve issues and arrive at a fair agreement.
A mediator is impartial and a neutral, professionally trained, person who assists the parties to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement on the issues they seek to resolve.
In mediation we work through the most common questions that parties face in the process of separation:
How will we pay for two households?
How will the holidays be shared?
How will the decisions about the kids be made?
How will we minimize the impact of this on the kids?
How will child and spousal supports be calculated?
Will one of us move out or will we stay in one household?
Where will the kids live?
How much is the family property worth?
What do we do with our family home?
Always seek legal advice
Speak with a lawyer prior to coming to mediation:
What are your rights?
What are your duties?
What does your lawyer think about your options in this situation?
Educate yourself and learn about different options for solving disputes.
Why should you choose mediation?
In mediation, nothing moves forward without your consent. You make the decisions collaboratively with your partner. You have much more power and control over the outcome of the process and because of this, there is a higher likelihood that the agreements made during the mediation process will stick.
You know what solutions will work best for you and you have direct input into the decisions being made, as opposed to third parties, such as lawyers and judges, negotiating or making decisions on your behalf.
Mediation significantly reduces the costs of divorce. Lawyers can provide you with invaluable information. Every mediator should tell you that seeking independent legal advice is a highly recommended part of this process. However, litigation can draw out the process of separation, not only by adding time, our most precious resource, but also by significantly increasing the costs.
While mediation can cost between 2-10K, a divorce proceeding can cost between 30-50K per party and in some cases in upwards of 100K in high conflict cases.
Mediation reduces conflict between the parties and in the family. Since mediation is not an adversarial process, the parties come together voluntarily and with the hope of resolving their disputes. The mediator will help with the communication process of resolving these disputes. All of these lead to reducing the stress and the conflict of the family as a whole.
Mediation is more flexible and creative than the court process.
Mediation considers the best interest of the children. In mediation, the parties discuss what’s important for the future of their children, what do the children need right now and how can their parents provide what the children need.
